


friends in various places

by angrylizardjacket (ephemeralstar)



Series: Romance Is Boring 'verse [13]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), The Dirt (2019) Actor RPF
Genre: On Set, Other, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25034548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeralstar/pseuds/angrylizardjacket
Summary: Ash and Roger's son had landed the part of Tom Zutaut in the up and coming film The Dirt, where some old family friends are having their lives dissected on screen. Only problem is, the rest of his fellow cast members don't actually know who in the hell he is. Of course, when his sister arrives, it can only mean bad things.
Relationships: Original Female Character(s) & Colson Baker | Machine Gun Kelly, Original Male Character(s) & Colson Baker | Machine Gun Kelly, Original Male Character(s)/Original Non-Binary Character(s)
Series: Romance Is Boring 'verse [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1225262
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	friends in various places

**Author's Note:**

> no-one asked for this but i'm trying to clean out my drafts

Tommy greets Barney like an old friend, wrapping him up in a hug, talking about the last time he saw him, he was knee high to a grasshopper. Barney, who does his best to appear smaller than he is, slouching a little as he stands, making him appear to be just a bit shorter than the six-foot-two drummer, gives a slight smile.

“All the guys on ma’s side of the family are giants, apparently, I just grew into it.” He grins a little, and Tommy’s smiling, his eyes lighting up a little at the mention of Barney’s mother, and says Barney sounds so much like her. The tall ginger’s smile is wry as he raises his eyebrows skeptically. “’difference is you can understand me if I mumble.” Barney sounds the way a gently foggy Scottish moor looks; when not acting he speaks with a accented yet calming monotone drawl, which a lot of people don’t realise since he’s so quiet, so a lot of the cast and crew first heard him speak at the read-through, and thought he was American. 

The others who catch a glimpse of this interaction, Colson and Iwan and Douglas, all take a moment; they’ve known Barney because he always seemed to be _around_ , on set, mentioned in passing; it seemed like everyone in the industry, whether they’re in the film or not, had heard of Barney Clarke, but they were never sure why, and they thought it would be confined to film.

Vince, on one of the rare occasions he makes it to set, asks about Barney’s sister. Later, Barney will explain to the other cast members that his sister is a mechanic, and that she sometimes worked in a pit crew for celebrity motor racing events. No-one thinks to question further, they accept it, they think she got the job on Barney’s recommendation; they don’t realise just who he is, just who’s around him. For now, Barney just shrugs a little, says that last he heard she was in Germany ‘ _for some car thing_ ’.

He gets along with the rest of the cast well enough, he and Daniel taking quite a shine to each other as the others were a little more out there in the day-to-day; Colson because he’s always somehow full of energy, Douglas because he was in character, though Iwan was a bit of a dark horse, who enjoyed being loud as anyone else whilst not in character. 

Barney’s level and calm, and credits boxing as his outlet. For the longest time, it seemed as though nothing got under his skin, that he was just this chill, vaguely Scottish giant. If anyone was looking for a calm moment, with him they’d get it. Much to everyone’s surprise, especially Colson, he hung out a lot in the makeup tent, offering to help while the team of makeup artists covered Colson’s various tattoos. And maybe, yeah, there was a little bit of resentment building - _of course, aside from being humble, well connected, and reasonably talented, he also had to be the kindest fucking Samaritan in the world_ \- but then he sees Barney wrap his arms around Mickey, the assistant to the key makeup artist, press a kiss to their cheek before heading to his own trailer. It’s such a soft, intimate gesture. How had he not noticed the wedding band on Mickey’s finger before now? Barney’s willingness to hang around and help the makeup team, of whom his spouse is a part of, makes a lot more sense. 

And yet, it manages to just add to the confusing puzzle of ‘ _who actually is Barney Clarke?_ ’.

**A Running List of Facts The Main Cast of The Dirt Knows About Barney Clarke** _(a list compiled by Colson, with notes from Iwan, Douglas, and Daniel)_

  1. He’s Married - to Mickey Sun, makeup artist and social media personality
  2. He’s Scottish (?) - observation based on his accent
  3. Literally Everyone Seems To Be ‘ _A Friend Of The Family_ ’ 
  4. He’s Been Acting Since He Was 14 - based on his IMDB page



That’s it. That’s the list.

There was a fifth item, that he was the chillest dude in the world, but that’s scrubbed quickly when they come to film the party and scenes around Razzle’s death.

“What in the fuck are you doing here?” His natural accent comes in thicker, surprising the rest of them, when they get to set and see a beautiful, red car sitting on the curb outside the mansion they’re filming in, and a little blonde sitting on the hood of the car with a smile sharp as knives.

“I’ve got a car for you to crash,” and the woman sitting on the car sounds like him, accent, similar cadence even, and she hops off, stands with her hip cocked and arms crossed, looking over the rest of the cast, “actually, I had the shell of the model they needed rusting in my backyard, so I promised to paint it up right and fix it to the body of a far more expendable car, ‘s long as I got a trip to the states out of it.”

Barney looks like he’s quickly forming a headache.

The woman, tiny and pretty and wearing grease-stained jeans, introduces herself as Astrid, and when asked how she knows Barney, she raises her eyebrows with disbelief. Barney pinches the bridge of his nose.

“He’s my baby brother,” she says, grinning. 

They look almost nothing alike. With almost a foot of height difference between them, it’s jarring to think that Astrid’s the older one, but seeing them interact over the two weeks they’re together on set, it begins to make it’s own kind of sense. Astrid is the complete opposite to Barney in almost every way, apart from the fact that, like her brother, she was seemingly unflappable. She’s a smooth-talking, outrageous flirt who oozes casual confidence, and it seems the only thing she liked more than whiskey, neat, was driving fast.

“Hey, a friend of mine owes me a favour down at _EXR_ ,” Astrid’s grown very fond of Colson, and when the first week’s up, and they have a day off, she can’t help but want to share her favourite LA experience with him, “wanna go drive supercars?”

“Fucking _absolutely_.”

They drive a few hours into the desert until they get to the track, and the owner of the course, of _EXR, Exotic Racing_ , greets Astrid with a kiss on both cheeks, and calls her Trid.

“Oh dude, oh _fuck_ , you’re- fuckin’ MGK, shit Trid, you could have warned me,” the owner flusters for a moment, and Astrid gives a half-smile.

“Come on, Luca, it’s not a big deal,” Astrid tries to calm him down, and Luca sighs, before handing her a set of keys. Astrid and Colson head for the pits where a lineup of shiny cars are waiting, and Colson’s still reeling a little. The whole track is clear, closed so they’re the only ones around. 

“What did you have to do to get this whole place to yourself?” He asks, and Astrid tosses him the keys, climbing into the passenger seat of a sleek, black Ferrari.

“I work pit for free a few times a year.” Is all she tells him.

Colson isn’t a slow driver, not by a long shot, and Astrid seems content with him by the wheel, speeding down the straight with his foot on the floor, cutting corners close, and Astrid plugs in her phone to the aux cord and plays rock and roll so loud he can hear it hammer in his heart.

When they’ve done a few laps, Colson offers her a turn behind the wheel, and there’s a fire in her eyes that’s both terrifying and awe inspiring. They start of slow enough, two thirds of the speed he’d been going, but after a lap, she speeds up, her grip going white-knuckled on the wheel as she takes hairpin turns going 60mph, drifting around corners with such ease and efficiency without losing momentum, almost getting air off of the hill that leads into the final straight of the track. She drives like she doesn’t fear death.

This is the day Colson learns that Barney’s oldest sister is a professional stunt driver, as well as being a mechanic and general nuisance. 

And she’s _fucking awesome_.

“She’s magic,” Luca tells Colson as they watch Astrid do a few laps on her own. She’s even faster now, without a passenger to worry about, making it look easy as she goes around fast enough to stir a breeze each time she goes past.

“She drives like a maniac,” Colson laughs, and Luca hums with agreement, chuckling. When she stops beside them, the tires squeal against the tarmac, and her smile is breathless when she steps from the car, offering the keys enticingly, asking Colson if he wants another go around. He accepts, hopping into the drivers seat as Astrid heads to the bathroom.

When they get back on set the following day, Barney looks like he’s bitten a lemon the moment he sees Colson step out of Astrid’s fancy, iridescent teal car. 

“You’re doing it again,” Barney warned her, and Astrid gives him a blithe smile.

“No idea what you’re on about -”

“Leave Daniel out of it,” he’s quietly almost begging her now, and Astrid’s smile turns sharp, “Astrid you are _the devil_ ,” he tells her, feelingly, as he watches her wave to Daniel, who was mooning over the car with the rest of the cast. They both see him mouth ‘ _she’s cool as hell’_ and Barney knows he’s already lost.

Colson catches on first, the way Astrid seems to get under her brother’s skin without even trying, around the time she’s grabbing lunch with Daniel and Iwan a few afternoons later. 

“Astrid,” Barney starts after a long moment taken to order his thoughts, “has chosen to model her life after Horace _fucking_ Slughorn,” he seethes, and Colson’s confused for a moment before it clicks.

“From Harry Potter? The dude from the sixth one, right?”

“Right,” Barney sighs, and Colson quietly marvels at the fact that it’s the most he’s ever heard the ginger speak, “she collects the people I work with that she likes; it’s easy because she’s...” and he sighs like he’s terribly put upon, “actually really cool. Much cooler than I am, unfortunately.”

“She steals your friends?” Colson’s not quite sure if he should laugh, it all sounds a little childish, but Barney seems deeply troubled by it.

“No...” Barney muses after a moment of deliberation, “not exactly,” he amends, “she is the most supportive person I know, and I really do love her dearly, that’s not the issue, it’s that... well, she’s better at keeping in contact with people, despite only being on the peripheries of the industry.”

“Does it really bother you?”

“Yes!” Barney, surprisingly, explodes at the question, eyes going wide, throwing his hands into the air; it’s the most agitated and animated Colson’s ever seen him, “she’s so insufferably _smug_.” 

“You know you’re like... intimidatingly cool dude, right?” Colson admits with a half laugh, and Barney’s expression softens to something grateful, “I watched you in theaters dude, fucking big screen, man, _X-Men_ ’s not something to sneeze at.” He assured him, clapping a hand on Barney’s shoulder, who perked up considerably. 

It’s more of an insight into Barney’s character than anyone else had gotten during the entirety of filming, though Colson thought it would be best to keep this particular set of revelations to himself; Barney’s familial insecurities weren’t anyone else’s business. Much to his surprise, however, the following day, while covering his tattoos, Mickey brings it up.

“Barn really appreciates what you said to him,” they tell him, dabbing foundation on his chest, and Colson blinks a few times before he remembers.

“Oh, no big deal; you guys are married, right? Mickey Sun?”

“Michelangelo Sun-Taylor,” Mickey says, pausing and giving a sharp smile, to which Colson nods, and tries not to look as winded by the name as he feels. “I hear you’re being headhunted by Astrid,” they add, and Colson can’t help his slight smile and nod. Mickey makes a noise of understanding, and goes back to their work, “of course you are; she’s a fan of pretty blonde boys.” 

“She’d be the most envied woman in Hollywood if anyone knew her name,” they added, and Colson frowns a little at that, a little confused.

“Is it a status thing?” _Is she using me_? Is what he wants to ask, which Mickey seems to get easily, shaking their head.

“She genuinely cares for her friends; she’s a shit-stirrer, but she’s seen every movie Barney’s been in more than ten times, and she’s always willing to lend a hand - if you need a mechanic, call her, seriously; the thing is that she attracts pretty blonde boys who like cars and hot girls, and by the time they realise, she’s already solidified herself as a good friend.”

“Realise?”

“Well, it’s not my place, but she’ll tell you when she’s ready.” Mickey tells him earnestly, “lift your arm, please?”

Colson finds himself spending more time with Barney, dwelling. Barney won’t tell him either, insists it’s only Astrid’s place, which Colson respects, but he won’t bug her about it; he’s happy enough speculating.

“She has a kid?”

“Nope, that’s my other sister -”

“ _Other_?!”

“Cait, you’d love her, she can get wild -”

“More wild than Trid?”

“Not anymore,” Barney pauses, giving a half smile, looking over at where Colson is watching Astrid and Tommy argue animatedly about something, “Trid?” Colson shrugs, “she’ll tell you soon.”

“Can we meet your other sister?”

“If you want to,” Barney shrugs, offhandedly, “I think she’s in New York now with her partner, but I’m sure she’d be happy to fly in.”

“Is Trid _married_?” Colson asks, squinting, and Barney laughs in his face.

She tells him by the end of the day, mostly because his curiosity got the better of him.

“I’m gay; it’s not a secret,” she seems confused, and Colson frowns, though it does make _a lot_ of sense, “I dated Cara Delevingne, does no-one remember that?”

“Fuck, man, I knew I knew you from somewhere,” Colson nods sagely, and Astrid snorts a laugh.

“It’s noble of Barn and Micks to not out me, but like, I’m kissing girls on tabloid covers, it’s not news,” she paused, shrugging, “I dunno, guys seem to be distracted by the, ah,” she gestures awkwardly to herself, and then to her car, “to see the kind of obvious signs.”

“You hitting on Leven wasn’t a bit?” Colson said with a half smile, and Astrid grinning.

“If you caught that, I’m not sure how it took you so long.”

“Cards on the table,” Colson raised his hands in mock surrender, “I was kind of distracted by the -” and he gestured to both her and the car, mirroring her from just moments ago, getting her to laugh. The tension broke, and they went to get dinner. Knowing what he knows now, it’s easy to be friends with Astrid; she ends up being a good wingman, apart from that time she accidentally went home with the girl Colson had been chatting up, and she’s got expensive taste in booze, which he appreciates. 

And he realises too late that he has _no idea_ what to expect of their other sibling.

Cait is both the middle child, and seems like a strange middle-ground between her two siblings, at 5′7 and with the air of someone much wiser than her years. The moment she spots Astrid and Barney on set with the rest of the cast, eating lunch, she calls out.

“Ay-oh!” It’s a strangely familiar, and without missing a beat, both Barney and Astrid call back in the exact same manner, beaming, much to the bemusement of the rest of the cast. After a round of hugs, greetings, and introductions, and the strange realization that the siblings, despite not looking too much alike, all sound eerily similar, Cait sits herself with them all.

“Ben sends you and Joe his love,” Astrid adds, and Cait grins, thanking her for the message. Barney glowers into his pizza, “cheer up Barn, he sends you his love as well,” she pauses, grin all teeth, “Lucas does too.”

“He was my damn co-star, Astrid,” Barney huffs, “we still talk.”

“I know, I’m just teasing,” she offers, and Barney rolls his eyes.

“The collection of hot blonde dudes?” Colson asks bluntly, to which Douglas snorted water out through his nose, and Astrid turned scarlet.

“I _do not_ -”

“Trid,” Cait said, giving her an exasperated look.

“I know you from somewhere,” Douglas mused, finally getting a good look at Cait, who just smiled blithely back. 

“Ben Hardy and Lucas Till,” Barney fills in for the rest, who just seem to grow more confused, “so _yes_ , part of Astrid’s harem of pretty boys.”

“They’re my _friends,_ it’s not a damn _harem -_ you’re an asshole, Barn,” Astrid glowered.

“I learned from the best,” Barney countered with smugly, and Astrid rolled her eyes. 

“Is that little Caity?” Came a call, and Cait stood abruptly to greet Tommy Lee with a bear hug. “You’re gotten so big, fuck, kiddo, I can’t believe you’re running Queen’s socials; you’ve been killing it from what I’ve seen.”

“Okay, seriously, _who in the fuck are you people_?” Daniel finally snapped, and Tommy blinked at him a few times, stepping back from Cait, casting a confused look between the three siblings.

“Did you not tell them?” Cait asked, eyes wide, and Barney scowled, though Astrid answered.

“Of course he didn’t,” she rolled her eyes, before turning on Douglas and Iwan, “you two ‘ve probably worked with our mum before; Rocket Taylor.”

Like a switch had been flipped, both Iwan and Douglas’s expression lit up, and behind them, Tommy turned a little pink around the ears. A chorus of ‘ _no way, holy shit’_ rang out, and Cait nodded, while Barney hung his head. After a beat, however, Tommy stepped forward.

“You kids always downplay your dad like he’s not the drummer for Queen,” he adds, and the whole table explodes with shouting at that, highlights of which include Astrid’s ‘ _he’s a dork, Thomas!’_ Cait’s ‘ _I was getting to that in a moment!’_ and Barney’s ‘ _I’m excommunicating myself’_ amid the cast’s sudden delight.


End file.
